Andre said “since you’ve been gone I’ve been having withdrawals” I wish I could call you and tell you what’s wrong No matter how much I pray I don’t feel better about it Death stole you from us and I can’t get you back I can still hear you saying my name in my head I wish I could hear it with my ears instead The pain will never go away but I pray that it’ll get easier Cos I can’t go on like this anymore
In theory, a system is something that should make us feel comfortable, supported and allow us to blossom. Unfortunately, in practice, it fails repeatedly and I’m the living proof. Growing up in a Polish household with a single mum and a younger brother, there’s been a lot of expectations of me. Filling in for my mum when it came to my brother as well as taking care of her has never been an easy task. I imagined moving to London from a poor city in Poland as a dream as if it was going to be Hollywood and I was Marylin Monroe. Of course, that was an absolutely ridiculous thought and life brought me straight back to Earth as soon as I realised that all i could say in English was “hello” and “toilet”. So as you can probably imagine, this didn’t get me very far. I have worked hard all my life and had to grow up fast. I had my first job for £3 an hour when I was thirteen, cleaning offices in Liverpool Street during late nights after school. Not the greatest, but every penny counted. I was always taught that if I work hard and study hard, I will be successful and powerful — just because that’s what the system told us.
There are always two sides to a coin. I always appreciated education and hard work and believed that if I keep going I will finally be rewarded. However, time has shown me that this coin was only one sided, because I’ve been working so hard, and I watched my mum…
Going through life, I realise that everyone around me feels alone.
Going through life, I realise that everyone around me feels alone. Everyone feels so distant from one another. Regardless of the relationship they have with someone or how happy they feel about their life, there is always a scent of loneliness hanging around. I feel like I have always felt alone. Since I was a kid I struggled to make friends, especially long-lasting ones. My relationships with my family have always been the most important thing for me. Feeling alone is not always a bad thing. Let’s not get that confused with feeling lonely. I love being in solely my presence. But as darkness falls, I feel the loneliness creep in too.
How to be an Immigrant
In theory, a system is something that should make us feel comfortable, supported and allow us to blossom. Unfortunately, in practice, it fails repeatedly. Growing up in a Polish household with a single mum and a younger brother, there’s been a lot of expectations of me. Filling in for my…
You loved angels so much that you became one I couldn’t go to your flat The memories were too painful A whole lifetime of a person so loved So many people came to say goodbye I still haven’t stopped crying Since I fell on my knees and wept at church When I saw your photograph next to the urn It did not look right I never imagined seeing those two things together